February 1, 2010

Hitting me hard

I am having a really hard time right now. It hit me yesterday. After a full work week I started my new weekend job - which wasnt at all bad, but most other things I could do this weekend didnt happen. I didnt get to relax, or pack or do anything for the wedding, or clean or do laundry. I think my break down yesterday was a culmination of things....dealing with Sue and not getting to see her this weekend, dealing with the move and when Wes took everything off the walls it sort of hit me hard that we are leaving this home I love and seeing blank walls in your home for two weeks is NOT comforting. Wes didnt realize this and just felt like he was being helpful, but its a painful reminder not to mention the added benefit of dusty fragile frames lining the walls when youre trying to pack or do things. Then I saw the ceramic angels sitting there, that used to be hung in the bathroom - the angels that Sue gave me a long time ago and I just lost it. Everything is pissing me off and making me sad and angry...I am on overload and dont want to make decisions and be the one to do it all. I resent the fact that we have to move - and that we are moving further from my work - a commute I already hate. We looked at a house a couple doors down and it even had three bedrooms! I would move in there in a second, but I know Wes would be super unhappy there....in a time of change and stress our differences come out a lot stronger and it presents a further challenge so all in all I am just feeling sad and angry and unstable. I seem to be harping on the negative, when my usual attitude is to focus on the positive and just get things done....this is really not going to be easy.

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