July 27, 2008

Relationship Roadblocks

Funny subject to bring up after I listed all the reasons I love Wes, but it just came up again, and I need to blog it out.

Every relationship has it's road blocks and growing pains.

One of our big ones is where we live.

We live in a state of compromise. We live in West Oakland.

Wes and I grew up in very similar towns. Walnut Creek and Mission Viejo are mirror images of one another. Upper middle class folks, decent public schools, strip-malls and fashion boutiques. Teenagers and nail salons. Great family towns. Not much diversity, not much culture, very clean, very safe.

I never felt any bond with Mission Viejo. I call it home because that's where I grew up and thats where my parents live.
Wes really bonded with his area. He is the kind of person who does not like to leave his comfort zone. He gets very upset when someone parks like an idiot, a pedestrian lingers in the road or a bum asks him for money. He hates trash in the street and low-income neighborhoods with the crime and noise that subsequently come with it.

I ,on the other hand, love to see the diversity. I am humbled by the low-income crowd I live near and feel like a better person for not seeing myself as too good to live here. I like to see how these people live, I love the things they hang on and around their homes. I love that they will sit and stand and talk outside their houses. I love the crazy outfits they wear to church and to see the commuters walking to bart to earn their checks. The crime remind me of how lucky I am and fortunate I am. Living here makes me feel alive and young. It was similar when I lived in San Francisco. I miss san francisco, but I found a new home.

I really do like living here, but it's not quite home,b because my honey hates it. And boy does he remind me.
He reminds me with more and more frequency what he gave up for me and how much he misses it and how god awful this place is. How he is in constant fear of his life every time he walks to his car (dramatization).

I really do not know what to do.
We move on the other side of the tunnel I am looking at a killer commute and I could easily grow very resentful of living in the burbs. But Wes has already grown resentful of living here.

this makes me so sad.

he is a very negative, pessimistic person when it comes to certain things, and I am quite the opposite. It's hard sometimes to see someone be unhappy when you love them so much. I would do anything for him, but I really wish there was a way to show him the good I see in this community.

I wish he would want to change it. I think him and I could make a difference here.

I am rambling, I am upset.
I am going to look at prices of rentals somewhere else now.

i found nothing, i kept clicking on listings in west oakland. the thought of breaking up my carpool or adding another leg to my commute makes me very sad. maybe i need to leave the job i love.

there is no place that satisfies our different needs in a home in a place we could both live.

July 23, 2008

LOve - My LOvE

So I blogged about romance, now, in honor of my two years with Wes I want to blog about loVe.
Here are some reasons I love Wes - in no particular order:

-He always kisses me goodbye when he leaves me, even if I am still sleeping
-He always answers his phone if its me and if he can
-He always calls back as soon as he can
-He accepts who I am and my faults and loves me anyway
-He has a smile that melts me
-He can make me laugh
-He is smart
-He is passionate
-He is honest
-He will always confort me if I am not happy
-He will always take care of me if I am sick
-He is super talented
-He can fix stuff
-He is very strong
-He can be thoughtful and romantic
-He rocks a farmers tan like nobodys business
-He loves his family
-I love his family
-He puts up with my huge family
-He will almost always go see a movie I want to see with me
-He will help me carry the groceries upstairs
-He will go to target with me

There are countless other little reasons I love Wes, but that was a few good ones.

Happy Anniversary Babe- I love you

July 19, 2008


So Romance is a little on my brain because, well I am female for one, but also because we have four wedding invitations sitting here and we just learned about Wes' brother's engagement. Woah! On top of that Tuesday marks our two year anniversary. I know some guys just don't feel comfortable being Don Juans and you have to learnt o appreciate their romantic gestures. Wes is definitely not as bad at this stuff as he thinks. For one, every work day he texts me with some of the sweetest words. Sometimes his texts give me a big shit-eating grin for the rest of the day (its really him making me smile though, of course). Wes also has surprised me on occassion with sweet notes for no reason, cards or sparkly pink pins he just "thought I might like". Def. big points scored with these types of expression. I love surprises, but I am a hard person to surprise.

So When it comes to planning something to celebrate our two years of love, I have a little bit of a fantasy in my head, but realistically don't expect it to be like a romantic comedy movie (those men are NOT real!). I think, man wouldnt it be cool if he took me to a carnival? One of out first dates we went to a carnival and he won me a monkey. there have been several roadside carnivals lately and I have expressed my interest in going. So I thought, man that would be a cool idea, right? Or maybe if its a warm night he could take me up to twin peaks, where we went on our first date and then to dinner. Or make me dinner at home and buy me flowers or have them sent to work. I do not think it should be soley up to him to figure out the celebration of our anniversary, and there is a lot going on right now so I really don't expect much, but I guess that's why it's sort of my little fantasy.

So speaking of all these weddings, we have been talking a little about our own inevitable walk down the aisle and of course I have fantasies about a romantic proposal as well. while my anniversary ideas might work for a proposal as well, for some reason I do kind of want some friends or family there. I would LOVE to have someone there to record the moment on video or camera. It's def. a day I dream of. Any family gathering, or an elaborate set-up where friends and family are waiting at twin peaks. I loved the story I read on Jen and Dave's blog about Jake and Chrissy's winery proposal, or even his brother's photo-booth proposal was very sweet. I guess something creative and romantic - a story to tell my kids- would be ideal. Hopefully not at a sporting event or in a restaurant, just doesn't feel as romantic. Isn't there a show where guys set up elaborate romantic proposals on the tv show's dime? Have you ever seen that? They have some great ideas as well. It's so fun to think about and fantasize . . .. butit's even better to think about what a great man I have and how lucky I am.

I hope I am not making anyone barf with my blog today, I guess I am just "feeling the love" . . . I hope I don't get carried away (or do i?).

July 17, 2008


So yesterday, since we didnt have any taco sauce, but we did have 4 leftover whole grain buns. I decided to use the ground turkey for turkey burgers. My wonderful boyfriend, being the grillmaster he is, fired them up with some corn on the cob and I baked some thick fries. It was a super meal. I saved a turkey burger for lunch today and I cant wait to finish off the corn tonight. I knwo the fries prob werent necessary, but they were the big ones (less points) and they were baked (no oil).

Anyway, the real success was just realized. After the helpful reminders form my friends in the comments from yesterdays post, I decided to wake up erlier and make a better breakfast. I had three peices of turkey bacon (only one point!) and a one-point bagel with a non-butter spread and the tiniest bit of low sugar jam.

The real test just came, right before 10am I was not hungry. Then at 10am I was only alittle hungry. big improvement from yesterday. I am having a banana to curb the hungry until lunch and I feel good about my choices.

July 16, 2008


So I got the funniest, most random, wonderful thing for my birthday from my brother (thanks Zak!). He sent me toast.
Wes reminds me that this toast is not for eating, but for friendship. Then, randomly my friend Danielle, got me a bacon and eggs bag. Then I saw this small toast coin purse at Wishbone and had to get it to complete the set. Sorry the bag didnt make it in the shot, but here is toast and little toast.

Always Hungry

SO I notice that I can not go long before I am hungry again. I really do not understand it. I typically have a bowl of relatively healthy cereal in the morning with nonfat milk, then arund 9 or 10 I am hungry, I will have a peice of fruit or a one point snack. THen right before lunch I am starving again. Then around 3pm I need a snack adn when I get home from work I am ravenous. It stirs up again right before sleep too. WHY??? Unfortunately I feel a sense of urgency when I am hungry. I get grumpy and irritable if I do not eat soon. THat sense of urgency often allows me to cloud my judgement enough to make a poor food decision. Last ngiht is agreat example. I asked Wes to start making the tacos before I got home since I had worked late. The taco sauce was nowhere to be found! I swore I had got some. THe idea of having to go home and figure out what to make and make it all before I eat something was unbearable, so we went through a drive-through. I love Wes more than anything, but he is a bit of an enabler with the poor food choices. We enable eachother. I was strong enough to say no to any kind of desert (we had 100 calorie snacks instead) but I know this is bad behavior. I know I could ahve made a quick salad or whipped up some eggs, but no, I opted for the junk. The quick, easy, savory, salty junk.

How does one go about changing this behavior?

WIth more than one friend having had weight loss surgery- I can't help but think- is this something I need to get myself under control?

July 15, 2008

Roller Disco

I bet you anything I can get the "Stayin' Alive" song stuck in your head . . . . .

July 14, 2008


Okay, so I have gained back a bit of my weightloss, but today we started a new session of weight watchers, with a new leader, at a new date and time. I already am tracking again (its only been half a day though) and I already brought my lunch to work again. I only have 6.5 points left to my day and I dont think i can consume that and not go over, but I am hopeful.

I must admit I felt the need to eat when I was hungry, then I felt the need to eat everything i brought for lunch, and now i feel too full. I probably could ahve had half of it. I made a tuna sandwhich though, which i have been craving and the fresh strawberry were so sweet and good.

Still better choices than eating out! Yay me!

I also went for a walk at lunch with a coworker. Ive already gone 2.5 miles today according to the pedometer.

I hope I can keep this up. It's weekends and time at home that gets hard.

July 13, 2008

4th pf July

My 4th of July BBQ/Birthday party was a blast , i dont feel liske posting pics, but you can always look on my photo page- theya re all there: www.jessywoman.smugmug.com

July 7, 2008

Las Vegas

Okay, here are the photos and explanations of photos from VEGAS!!!!!

Friday morning (June 27th) we hit the road (Kerry, Wes and I):

It was a whole lot of nothing really.

Thank God for air conditioning because ti was hot outside:

We passed the world's tallest mini-market- you can barely see it there:

Shortly after we arrived in our room I broke out the margaritas and Brett surprised us all with champagne!

For dinner Wes and I hit the Harley Davidson Cafe.

They had an amazing 7 ton american flag made of chains, and a conveyer belt of Harleys:

We had a nice view of Excalibur from our hotel room (at Luxor):

We saw the sights on the strip:

Which made us very tired:

Kelly and I decided the carpeting in the casinos was beautiful and photo-worthy:

The Bellagio gardens had a neat exhibit:

We stopped to watch the Bellagio Fountain show- there were baby ducks~!

We went to a fabulous birthday dinner before we saw "O":

Kelly is silly:

On our last night we hit old "downtown" vegas to gamble and drink adn eat for cheap:

I will miss our home in the desert:

The ride back (5 of us!) was long in the desolate desert heat:

There were a lot of long trains passing us:

It was Kerry's birthday when we drove back so Brett got everyone birthday donuts. Kerry took a bite of each and made a mess. This is why we heart Kerry:

More roadside beauty:

More car silliness:

Kerry's hat- I love this photo, I think Kerry should paint it:

I love that my friends made it easy tolaugh and have a good time:

The End